august’s 30 day blog challenge: day 2 – how have I changed in the last two years?

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30 day blog challenge

Wow!  What an amazing question today.

To understand all I have been through in just the last year, a journey through hell that began exactly one year ago tomorrow, you should read this.

The significant amount of change in myself over the last year (which is really what I will focus on) is that I trust and respect people a lot less now.  I usually give all my trust upfront, 100%, and work backwards as people slowly erode that trust.

You know what’s funny though?  Even though I think I trust people less now, I don’t.  Just yesterday I got caught up in something that I ended up getting screwed over on because I guess I still do trust people too much upfront.

I guess I just don’t trust a lot I knew before in my life at all anymore.  I guess I still keep hoping each new person brought into my life will be different.

Maybe I haven’t changed at all.

But in reality, I have.

I used to be very social.  I loved going out, to bars, going dancing, doing anything fun and exciting.  I would plan group dinners, group outings.  I don’t do anything like that anymore.  I prefer a one-on-one type of outing now with my bestest girlfriends and a couple of my aunts.

My group of friends I would socialize with have dwindled from a rotating group of 20+ to five.

Though I have always been a bit claustrophobic and wary of crowds, I am simply terrified now in large masses of people.

I’ve never been big on dating.  But I would dabble a bit.  I haven’t been on a date in 441 days, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

That was also the last time I slept with anyone, and as a highly sexual person, that has hit me pretty hard.  But I am also not interested in getting involved with anyone.

I have lost so much in the last year, but I have also gained what is truly important.

I would have to say that way I have changed the most in the last two years is that I now value quality over quantity.

So why I began this talking about a journey through hell, maybe it was just a rocky path to heaven.

I believe life is going to be a lot better now.

 

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One thought on “august’s 30 day blog challenge: day 2 – how have I changed in the last two years?

cheer me along!

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