Well, this did not take much thought at all. If you follow my other blog: http://jackjosephsmom.com, you will know I can’t get over my miscarriage; my fear of my inability to carry a baby to term; how I was treated by Jack’s father, friends, family; how people think I should just get over it; and how pregnancy and babies are constantly thrown in my face.
Here’s the quick and dirty of why:
- Jack’s Miscarriage: I feel guilty that I did not know I was pregnant, how I blame myself for pushing myself too hard during that time, my worry about the fact I had no symptoms, how this isn’t my first miscarriage…
- Fear of Inability to Carry a Baby to Term: Often referred to as “infertility”, but the truth is I can get pregnant. I just can’t seem to get past the first trimester. I am getting old, so are my eggs. I want a baby. I don’t have a partner. What do I do now?
- Jack’s Father: Some people just like to kick you when you are down, some people are mean, and some people treat you in ways that are unimaginable. I just don’t get how people can be so cruel.
- Get Over It: If you walked a minute in my shoes, you wouldn’t be able to get over it either.
- Pregnancy Reminders – they happen to me at the most unbelievable times by random people at moments I am unprepared for them.
- My 38 year old cousin sent me her ultrasound picture.
- My father told me my old hairdresser who never wanted kids and didn’t know if she would keep this one is pregnant.
- The lady at Home Depot that was complaining about never wanting to be pregnant in this weather to me while looking at a pregnant lady at the next register.
- All my pregnant yoga instructors.
- All the pregnant yogis.
- It never ends, never ends…